


Trust Issues

by 3ndoftheline



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And all that jazz, Bucky Barnes Fluff, Bucky Barnes-centric, F/M, Phobia of heights, bucky barnes loves to be a little shit, caring bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 18:23:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7812358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ndoftheline/pseuds/3ndoftheline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have a phobia heights which means being on a plane in the middle of the Atlantic was a bad idea. Yet, here you are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust Issues

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes hello! this is my first work ever posted on here (v v v exciting stuff!!!!) I have a tumblr (it's the same handle as the one I have on here so it won't be hard to find) where I post most of my stuff but I figured since I love AO3 so much (just kidding, I'm total AO3 trash but that's beside the point) I decided to finally post some of my stuff on here. I'm really excited to do this and yeah, so I hope you all enjoy!! I'd love to hear what you all think :)

I hated Bucky Barnes. I hated him more than anything on this entire _fucking_ planet. And I made damn well sure he was aware of that.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” I muttered as I stared out of the cargo plane. “You told me this was intel gathering? In and out.”

“I know,” Bucky’s voice came through over the comm. “Which is what you’re doing. You’re going to be in and out.”

“Did you just happen to forget to mention the whole _me jumping out of a plane_ portion of the mission?”

“A minor detail, really.”

“You mother _fucker_ ,” I swore. Bucky _knew_ , he fucking _knew_ about my fear. The only thing on this entire planet that nearly made me go into a panic attack just at the mere mention of it. _Heights_.

Before I joined the Avengers, I couldn’t even set foot in an airport that’s how bad my fear was. But, as time progressed, I realized if I wanted to be _useful_ to the team, I needed to step foot in a plane. So I grew a set, popped my anti-anxiety meds and forced myself onto planes and the quinjet whenever there was a mission. And I was fine, we would land on a landing strip and I was always ready to go. Never had I needed to propel or jump out of anything more than ten feet off the ground. Just the thought of it sent me into hysterics. Like it was now.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’ll be fine.”

“ _No_ , no I most certainly will not be fine,” I snapped. “Minor detail my ass, you know I can’t do this.”

“Of course you can do this,” he countered with a sort of confidence I wished I had in myself. “You can do anything.”

“But I can’t do this. No way, I’m sorry. Bring Nat or Clint in to do this mission, I can’t do it.” I backed myself up against the wall of the plane, feeling cornered despite being the only person in the cabin. My heart nearly cracked my ribs it was beating so hard and my palms were slick with sweat as I struggled to maintain a normal breathing rate. “Oh God I’m going to pass out.”

“No you’re not. Listen to my voice, deep breaths.” His voice _was_ extremely calm and it almost annoyed me. How he never let any situation faze him. Bucky wasn't afraid of anything, I’d never once seen him back down from anything because he was scared. Sure, if he was uncertain or didn’t trust what was happening, but never out of fear.

“I don’t even know what to do, Bucky. I’ve never even touched a parachute before in my damn life, and I – I can’t, I can’t just jump out of a moving plane that’s like asking to get slaughtered. I can’t…no way, I _can’t_.”

He grunted on the other end, as if _that_ was the appropriate response to this situation. “C’mon, Kate. It’s just a couple thousand feet. It’s not that drastic I promise.”

“Well _excuse me_ , Mr. I’m-So-Fucking-Great-And-Fearless-About-Everything-Because-I’m-A-Hardcore-Assassin,” I spit out. I tried to ignore the rolling of my stomach and how sweaty my palms had become. Mixed with the flare of anger that rose in my chest, I was becoming an emotional cluster-fuck, which was the last possible thing I needed at this point. “You _know_ a couple thousand feet is pretty drastic. I can’t believe you put me on this mission you _asshole_.”

“I put you on this mission because I _believe_ that you can do this Kate. The only person who doubts you right now is yourself.”

“Oh, shut up.” I glared at the back pack that hung in one of the carriers, just taunting me. I glanced outside one of the tiny windows and automatically felt like I was going to throw up when I saw that we were in the clouds. I was as high up as clouds were and I was expected to jump to the ground with a half-ass balloon trailing behind me. “ _Fuck_ ,” I muttered as I rested my head against the wall. I could feel the sweat jewelling on my hair line and my vision swam in front of me. I tried to take deep breaths, I tried to think about the best case scenarios, but every single one of them ended with me broken and bloody on the frostbitten German ground.

“The team will be waiting for you on the ground, you won’t be alone.”

“ _Great_ ,” I grumbled. “Now I've got a fucking audience watching me fail.”

Bucky chuckled, as if this were all a great joke to him. I was glad he was finding some sort of amusement in all of this because I sure as hell wasn’t. “Do you need me to walk you through the steps?”

“I need you to never speak to me again. When I see you again, so help me God I will–”

“– coming up on the drop zone, Agent 7.”

“Fuck,” I swore, unable to finish my sentence as I felt the panic that had bubbled in my chest threaten to suffocate me.

“Kate, you’ve got this, alright? If there was anyone else that could’ve done this you know I would’ve requested Fury to put someone else on.” Deep down inside, I knew that was true. While Bucky liked to push my limits (although I complained about it constantly, he opened my eyes to abilities I never knew I had) he knew heights was a big, _big_ deal. A part of me knew that putting me on this mission was vital, and the whole jumping out of the plane part was just part of the price I had to pay. A huge, monstrous, terrifying and completely ridiculous part, but still.

“I can literally think of at least fifteen other people who would’ve gladly done this mission.”

“Yeah but you’re the only one who can do it right. C’mon, doll. I _know_ you know you can do this. Just take a deep breath and remember what I told you.”

“Never eat your cheesecake?” I could’ve sworn I heard him roll his eyes.

“No, Kate. The other thing. The thing I said right before you left.”

“I love you. No matter what,” I repeated. The memory still clear in my brain, I could still feel his lips hot and soft against the skin of my neck.

“ _Ne vazhno chto_ ,” he repeated in Russian, his voice rough but so gentle at the same time. Despite how angry I was at him my heart instantly melted a little bit when I heard him speak in a foreign tongue. I cursed myself quietly because this _man_ had me wrapped around his pinkie finger. Just three words in another language and I was practically putty. It was pathetic, but hell if I cared.

“I hate you,” I mumbled under my breath as I stomped over to the parachute bag. “I hate you so much.” It meant to sound threatening, but my voice held no conviction. Bucky chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

“See you soon, darling,” Bucky said just before his voice left and I knew he was off the comm. I called out his name just a few times to check and when I heard no response, I swore and cursed him out as I struggled into the harness of the parachute. I knew _how_ to put on a parachute. Bucky had showed me when we were bored one day travelling to a mission. I hadn’t done it myself, but I saw him do it. He taught me how to pull the parachute too (again, I didn’t actually touch the parachute but I still was able to watch him so that had to count for something). Once I finally managed to somehow put all the buckles in the right places, I heard the sound of metal creaking and the door slid open, revealing puffs of cloud and white and brown landscape.

I immediately wanted to throw up and cowered backwards as the wind blasted into the holding carriage. My heart threatened to burst through my chest as I felt my blood pulse heavily against my neck and wrist. “I can’t do this,” I breathed out. A tiny voice popped up in my head. Quiet, but its words resonated.

_I love you. No matter what._

I sighed heavily and stared out of the open door as the wind whipped at my hair. I made a mental note in my head to kill Bucky if I actually survived this fall and then took in a deep breath. And before I could talk myself out of it, I took the final step and jumped.

I wasn’t sure if I screamed, I actually couldn’t hear anything except for the wind. And my heart tearing through my rib cage. I was pretty sure I cried too, but I wasn’t about to back that theory up. I faintly, in the back of my mind, remembered to pull the chute and everything after that was a blur of green, brown and white as the ground hurtled at me.

I knew I passed out because everything was black and I couldn’t feel anything, not even my own breath, until a warm hand cupped my cheek and something brushed against my neck. A slow buzzing began filling my ears followed by a low, gentle voice.

“Kate, c’mon, look at me. Kate, ya gotta look at me, come on.”

Everything came flooding back at once, the pain that radiated from my arm, and the way my head ached heavily like I was experiencing the worst hangover of my life. And I was cold, it was so _fucking_ cold. I was dead. I had to be dead. I was so beyond dead I was already hearing angels talking to me.

“What does heaven look like?” I asked, keeping my eyes screwed shut. There was a beat of silence then a soft sigh of relief.

“Dunno. Gotta ask Steve next time you see ‘im.”

I snapped open my eyes, suddenly recognizing the voice. I was met with a pair of blue, almost silver irises that sparkled with mischief as well as a quiet relief that only I was meant to see. “Am I not dead?” I asked almost incredulously.

Bucky leaned his head back and laughed. It was such a musical sound, a sound I remembered. “No, doll. You’re not dead. You’re very much alive.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you sure – _ow!_ ” I yelped when I felt something pinch my arm. I moved to grab the mark on my arm that I knew was there, but the action made my right arm scream in protest and I groaned in response.

“Did that hurt?”

“ _Yes_ Bucky, what the hell?”

“Good. It means you’re alive.”

I lifted my head up, ignoring the pounding that followed and glared at him. He had a light grin playing on his lips and I opened my mouth to give him a piece of my mind because what the _fuck_. But before I could even get a word out, his right hand ran over my hurt arm, his brow furrowed as his lips pulled into a light pout while he examined the damage that I knew showed on my skin. He handled me with such care my mind went completely blank as I dropped my head back.

“You suck,” I mumbled as I watched him. Bucky raised an eyebrow as his eyes flitted to me before he went back to looking at my arm.

“Why?”

“I’m supposed to be mad at you but you make it so damn _hard_ to stay mad at you.”

Bucky smirked and a laugh rumbled in his chest. He didn’t say anything as he tended to my arm, putting it in a splint. “How’s your head?” He asked about ten minutes later.

“I feel like little smurfs are taking their pick axes and are slowly trying to hack their way out of my skull.”

Bucky snorted out a laugh. “Well at least we know your mouth isn’t broken.” I scowled angrily at him as he shot me a grin. His hands then moved to the buckles of the parachute where he quickly clicked them off and helped me detangle myself from the mess of straps and strings. Bucky’s brow suddenly furrowed and then he rolled his eyes. “She’s fine, Hill. We’re enroute now.”

“Am I holding people up?” I asked, suddenly realizing we were on a mission I was lazing around in a field. I immediately moved to sit up but Bucky placed a firm hand on my shoulders.

“We already cleared out the base and have it held down. So don’t worry, take your time.”

A thought dawned on me as I furrowed my eyebrows in a frown. “Wait, why are you here? I thought Tony said you had to stay back for this mission.”

Bucky shrugged. “I don’t follow rules too well. Especially Tony’s.”

I laughed. “My little rebel.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at the word _little_ and I flashed him a smile and he only shook his head. His left arm slipped around my back as the cold fingers of his metal hand supported my neck as he gently lifted me up into a sitting position. I ground my teeth in an attempt to make a noise of pain. I refused to show weakness all because I couldn’t stick a landing.

“You did good,” Bucky murmured as his left arm stayed on my back and his right hand supported my hip as he lifted me up to stand on my feet. I was a little wobbly and used his chest as a crutch, leaning heavily against him. Bucky didn’t seem to care and placed a soft kiss to my hair.

“Please, do you see me? I look like shit because I couldn’t land on my own two feet,” I grumbled angrily. Bucky placed a finger beneath my chin and tilted my face up. His eyes were clear and bright and I could see pride shining in them.

“Who cares? You got a little bruised, but you did it Kate. You did something I could never do.”

“What? Jump out of a plane? I’ve seen you jump out of a plane without a fucking parachute Barnes, don’t start with me.”

He shook his head lightly. “No, Kate. You conquered your fear.”

I blinked as I stared at him, my mouth opened then closed again. In my mind, Bucky didn’t fear anything. He was the bravest person I knew. “What do you fear?” I whispered. Bucky swallowed and I saw the muscle in his jaw working. I was beginning to wonder if he wasn't going to tell me when he finally parted his lips.

“I fear lots of things. My past, what I’ve done, what I could do. I fear Hydra, I fear their control. I fear Steve and how selfless he is, how easy he can love. I fear you, your bravery and your heart. I’m afraid that one day you’ll wake up one day and not love me anymore and realize that you deserve so much more than me. I’m so afraid that I’ll lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

I was speechless, my breath frozen in my chest as his words sunk in. Bucky couldn’t look me in the eyes, his gaze grounded to his boots. My silence must’ve deterred him as I felt his hands slowly begin to slip from my waist. In an instant, I ignored the pain in my arm as I threw myself at him, pulling him into a hug. Bucky stilled for a moment before he clung onto me like he was drowning and I was the only thing holding him up.

“You’ll never lose me,” I whispered quietly into his shoulder. “It takes a lot to make me pack up and leave, you’re going to have to work a little harder if you want me gone.”

Bucky breathed out a laugh and his shoulders sagged, as if a weight was sliding off his shoulders like water over a cliff. His lips pressed kisses against my neck before he pulled back although his hands kept my body flushed to his. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so _fucking_ happy I have you.”

A blush warmed my cheeks and I swore I melted on the inside. I leaned up on my feet until my lips were just inches from his. “I _fucking_ love you.” The smile the encompassed Bucky’s face was so bright and beautiful it reminded me of everything good in this world. His hand cupped my face before he brought me in for a kiss, his lips soft but a fire sparked in me that licked through my veins and made me surge up to meet him.

When we finally pulled away we were both breathless and his eyes shone so brightly. It was like he had stars hidden beneath his gray orbs and when they shone – it revealed the galaxies hidden beneath the stormy irises. I leaned up to reach his mouth again, but this time I was close enough to hear the crackle of his comms as someone spoke to him in his ear. Bucky growled low in his throat before he jerked his head back with an annoyed frown.

“Yeah, Steve. We’re coming,” he grunted out before he turned back to me.

“I think that’s our cue to leave,” I murmured and Bucky sighed, his lips coming down to press a chaste kiss to my forehead.

“We still have a few minutes…” he let the end of the sentence hang in the air and I couldn’t help but laugh at his hopeful stare.

“C’mon you big sap,” I punched his chest with my good arm as I began walking towards the SUV parked at the edge of the field, “duty calls. And you’re still in huge trouble for forcing me on that plane in the first place.”

Bucky came up beside me before he slung an arm over my shoulder and pulled me in against him as he nudged his nose against my hairline. “I’m sure I’ll find a way to make it up to you.” He smirked before he stopped and tilted my chin to him. His mouth covered my own in a searing kiss that made me lose my train of thought.

“Yeah,” I murmured once he pulled away, “I’m sure you will.”

 


End file.
